Day in Crayon

Day 37: Welp, I’m thinking about changing the name of my...

Sun, 14 Aug 2011 12:57:31 -0400

Day 37: Welp, I’m thinking about changing the name of my site….again. It’s reached the point where there’s only one real option I can think of. BUT, before that goes down, today I’ve got another review for you. This weekend I got a chance to see The Help starring Emma Stone and……a bunch of people that weren’t promoted in the commercial. Did I like this movie? Well, yes and no.

The Help takes place in the 1960s, because everything does since Mad Men hit it big. The movie is driven by the lives of maids and the people they work, which is what Emma Stone’s character is interested in. She alone wants to tell the tale of these women and what they endure every day. Okay, so why was this movie good? The acting that everyone brings to the table. You might think Emma Stone is the lead role, but really she’s not. Viola Davis who plays Aibileen is the one that truly holds this together. There’s a scene between Stone and her that will leave you staring a hole through the screen. These’s also a brief cameo from Nelsan Ellis, who many might know as Lafayette on True Blood. Wait a second. The 60s…..Lafayette……HE’S BEEN A VAMPIRE THIS WHOLE TIME!

Things I didn’t like about this movie were the flashbacks. They took way too long, eating up screentime when they could have been just a simple conversation. Other than that, names. Yup, the actual names of characters are rarely said. The only way you’re able to identify them is by their hair styles or wigs rather. I think it’d be badass to wear a huge wig like some of them did. The Help wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t a movie of the year candidate either. Parts will make you burst out laughing, while others can slowly make you slouch in your seat. Overall, it’s worth the price of admission.

7/10

Day 36: You’ll have to excuse me, but I’ve...

Wed, 10 Aug 2011 12:45:00 -0400

Day 36: You’ll have to excuse me, but I’ve encountered a first world problem. My beloved mouse has finally crapped out. After dropping it for months on end, the back broke off into a million pieces. We had some good times, mouse and I. Late nights browsing the internet, early mornings playing Minecraft. I’m gonna miss the little guy. Right now I’m using an old Microsoft one that echoes with every click. Seriously, this thing could wake the dead. Looks like it’s time to get a new one…..TO AMAZON! Might get some new heaphones while I’m at it.

Speaking of headphones (Transition FTW), I got a chance to hear Kanye West & Jay Z’s Watch The Throne album a few days ago. Can’t really say I was blown away by it, mostly because it mainly comes across as a Jay-Z album. Kanye is there, but his parts feel very faint and distance in the overall picture. The production seems a little shotty, especially for these guys and the flow comes off as bland. I checked the Facebook page acouple days ago and people are mad. Why? They view it as just a cheap cash-in by the two. Really, I agreed 100% with them. There’s maybe one good track on this, but the rest are pointless buys on iTunes. 4/10

Day 35: So how was your weekend? Yeah, mine was that way too....

Mon, 08 Aug 2011 17:50:54 -0400

Day 35: So how was your weekend? Yeah, mine was that way too. For the first time in a while, I went to NYC. Since it was for my cousin’s birthday and we got there an hour early, my family strolled around Toys R Us. Never was a big fan of the Times Square TRU, mainly because everything is overpriced and you can barely walk. No really, I’m pretty sure I was told to move by 5 or 6 little kids. One awesome highlight was getting to see a specific EarthCam location that 4chan has taken a liking to. Fun fact: I’m the guy that edits those videos. It’s actually a lot easier to miss than I would’ve thought. So anyway, had dinner with my cousin, ate food, blah blah blah. Left the city at like 11, driving past a crowd ready to attack Daniel Radcliffe and that was pretty much it.

Last night I had to dishonor of watching the Teen Choice Awards. It’s just such an unnecessary award show so poorly put together. I get that it’s trying to be loose and hip, but come on now—-that way of thinking went out in the 90s. Kaley Cuoco must of gotten a huge paycheck to grin and bear it for those two agonizing hours. And did they seriously give Demi Lovato an award for going to rehab? No offense man, but millions of people slip in and out of rehab each year. Sure she’s famous, but are we really glorifying this? When Amy Whinehouse checked herself into rehab, the media sat back and laughed. It’s not like when Demi left she had nothing to go back to. Also, just throwing this out there, Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber aren’t dating. I’m positive that 99.9% of celebrity couples are fixed up by their PR teams.

Day ??: Well hello there! So if you haven’t noticed,...

Fri, 05 Aug 2011 17:11:00 -0400

Day ??: Well hello there! So if you haven’t noticed, there haven’t been any updates for the past few weeks. Now why is that? Comic Con. Yup, I headed on over to San Diego and haven’t been the same since. Every year something weird happens when I get home—-extreme laziness. I don’t know what it is, but that trip always stops whatever’s going on in my life. I’m starting to suspect it’s spiked airplane soda. The deception of free refreshments. Anywho, why not make it up to all 1 follower that cares? I’ve seen a heap of movies so lets review em!

Zookeeper: One of the funniest movies in a long time. Not everyone will get into it, but if you love Kevin James, see it! The guy can take a plastic bag and make it the funniest thing in the world. Not so sure kids will enjoy this though, as it’s a bit more for adults. There’s no cursing or anything, but with the main plot, the animals are very secondary. Plus it’s got Joe Rogan playing a pretentious douchebag aka himself. 7/10

Captain America: The First Avenger: Now this one I actually saw during Comic Con, which was great marketing by the studio. Granted, it could’ve come out during the fourth of July, but it was better, especially since comics were in the news 24/7 that week. This movie was a very unique blend of action and drama. I wouldn’t necessarily call it compelling, but more-so one of those turn off your brain and watch movies. Might I add how awesome it was to see Sebastian Stan land a huge role like this. Guy was brilliant in KINGS. Check it out, which is the exact opposite of what NBC wanted you do to. 8/10

Cowboys & Aliens: A huge big pile of excrement sprinkled with star power held together by weak visual effects and storytelling. Really, it’s just such a terrible movie with no redeeming qualities. And what the hell is with Olivia Wilde being in EVERY fucking movie? Her skin looks like plastic wrap smothered with spray paint. Hollywood, just please, stop. If you’re gonna force an actress down our throats, put her in a role that shows she can act. Not 15,000 action-comedy-drama-thrillers. The action sequences are duds, almost like the writers sat around letting kids choose what happens. What about those fierce creatures that instill fear? Yeah, they sucked. The actual aliens in this movie looked like emaciated Battletoads. I’m not even joking, this is one of the worst excuses of a movie ever seen. 3/10

Crazy, Stupid, Love: Oh boy a chick flick, and a good one actually. Sometimes the cast of a movie clicks and sometimes it doesn’t. This clicks in a big way, leaving you not wanting just five extra minutes, but an entire sequel. Steve Carell feels a lot like his character in Little Miss Sunshine—-emotionless waiting for things to change. Although, the most useless character here is Kevin Bacon. He has absolutely zero presence through-out. That aside, see this. Guarantee you’ll enjoy it. 8/10

Rise of the Planet of the Apes: For coming out at the tail end of Summer, a more than acceptable release that manages to be an enjoyable ride. It never feels like it reaches a climax, but enough to satisfy/justify the run-time of about 2 hours. My man John Lithgow was great for his brief role. The first half is definitively stronger, leaving you a lot of moments to “dawwwwww” at. I know there’s at least one part that will leave a packed theater entirely silent. 8/10

So, did you get all that? Now please, excuse me as I disappear for another two weeks.

Day 33: Yesterday, it was time. After nearly two months, I...

Sun, 17 Jul 2011 15:11:50 -0400

Day 33: Yesterday, it was time. After nearly two months, I finally got a haircut. It always sucks the first 48 hours after you get one. Like when I woke up this morning, my head looked like a jelly bean. Usually it’s flowing as a result of rich hair follicles. Sadly, I’ve got those few extra long hairs jutting out everywhere, mixed with an itchy scalp. Yeah, it’s just not a pretty sight. My devilishly handsome looks will be impaired for a little while. The real reason I make this post is because of the actual haircut. Gentlemen, you know when you walk into a salon (I can’t think of a manlier word atm), there’s few stylists to choose from. It’s either the middle-aged ‘hottie’ (used loosely, etc etc.), the ruggedly overweight chick or the fresh out of college girl.

So I put my name on the waiting list, and whatddya know, I got the college girl. Now normally that would be the end of my story, but this specific girl offered the strangest haircut ever. Lets start with her attire. The tightest bright pink yoga pants I’ve ever seen with a sky blue spaghetti strap. Normally I wouldn’t give a shit, but when a pair of boobs are hovering over my face for 20 mins, gotta say it’s uberly uncomfortable. Yes, I’ve had women cut my hair before, but this was on a whole nother level! Top that off with a gratuitous camel toe…there are no words!! I mean really, how do you respond to that? Excuse me, could you please fix your vadge! It was one of those moments where you didn’t intentionally look at it, but more so that it came in your line-of-sight. In all my years of getting haircuts, this one ranks as the most awkward of all-time. I’m sure she told her friends I was her worst customer ever. No more haircuts from there, ever again.

Day 32: Anyone who’s visited Twitter today might have...

Fri, 15 Jul 2011 17:15:10 -0400

Day 32: Anyone who’s visited Twitter today might have noticed the flood of Harry Potter, specifically in the trending topics. Honestly, if you wanted to, you could practically read the entire seventh book. Yes, yes. Enjoy that weak attempt at humor. Harry Potter has been one of the biggest series’ in cinema history, but alas it has come to an end. Like many, I went to go see it today. Here’s a little warning: you might not like my review. So I don’t know, BEWARE or something.

Now, ten years ago, Harry Potter was a huge deal in my middle school. In fact, I’m pretty sure it was on the syllabus. Read it, loved it, the whole shabang (people still say that right?). When the first movie came out, I was VERY hesitant about seeing it. To me, I felt like it was gonna be ruined. Thankfully it was brilliantly done. Fast-forward to now, I got that same strange feeling today. Unfortunately, this time it was right.

Alright, so somewhere along the way, there was a decision to cut Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows into two films. Within 20 minutes into this, you’ll realize that was a bold move, considering it’s all talk and no substance. We know Harry is in great danger, we know who everyone is at this point. Everything has already played out, so just give us the finale. Oh come on now. The only reason you’re watching this is to see Voldemort die. Overall, the series has had its ups and downs transitioning to the screen. This is a huge low point, almost so low that it cracks through to the core of Earth. There’s just way too much filler. Half-way through, you’ll start to hear the collective yawns in the theater. It’s tough turning a book into a major motion picture. I can understand that they wanted to be faithful, but some things are better left on the cutting room floor.

As it stands, the “last Harry Potter” isn’t very good. The movie is already out there, and no matter what, people will support it. The truth is though, there was no point in making this. What would’ve been better was if useless scenarios from the first half were eliminated and molding together, starting with when Harry faces Voldemort in the forest. The Deathly Hallows Part 2 is a certified guilt trip by J.K. Rowling. Opting out of seeing this movie means you’re not a fan. So, I guess see it, but don’t expect to be entertained until the last 30 minutes.

6/10

P.S. If you’re wondering what the picture is above, it’s a little girl that literally ran out of the theater crying. Meh, I would’ve done the same thing If I was 6 years old.

P.P.S. What the hell bro!? Where was The Dark Knight Rises trailer!? I sit through endless Christmas previews and nothing! REFUND! REEEEEEEEEEEEEFUND!

Day 31: You know when you go to a restaurant and they play the...

Wed, 13 Jul 2011 15:19:32 -0400

Day 31: You know when you go to a restaurant and they play the top 40 hits? Yeah, well Bonefish doesn’t really like to do that, except for when they blast Adele. No disrespect, but her album is the most overplayed of 2011. It’s a shame because when you reach that point, there’s no way to “unhear” it as such. Anyway, the point is, this place likes to play obscureish bands and/or covers by them. So my family walked in and I started to hear this familiar beat. I’m thinking to myself, “how do I know this song?” Then it became ever so apparent. It was Neutral Milk Hotel’s ‘In the Aeroplane Over the Sea’. Instant facepalm. Message to /mu/, I hate you. Although, I guess it was better than playing ‘Communist Daughter’.

Day 30: Right, I’m pretty sure there was a promise of a...

Sun, 10 Jul 2011 14:09:56 -0400

Day 30: Right, I’m pretty sure there was a promise of a review today, but change of plans. Oh no, there will still be one, just not on any theatrical release. Instead, we’ll be taking a look a A Fairly Odd Movie: Grow Up, Timmy Turner! If you were home last night, which is usually the case in a lot of ‘Forever Alone’ communities, chances are you watched this. And maaaaaaaaaaaan did it suck! So much potential washed down the drain. I don’t know where to begin. It was like watching a dog taking a shit. What have you done Nick!?? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?

Fine, lets take a look at the characters. In terms of casting, they got it all wrong. Drake Bell needs to stop doing whatever he does in front of a camera (it’s not worthy of being called acting). Sure yeah, he was in Drake & Josh, but he hasn’t done a damn thing good since. Daniella Monet is gorgeous, but no way in hell was she right for this. I can get why they cast her, which was probably to get tween fans of Victorious interested. But come on man, Tootie? Attractive? Nope, not happening. Worst casting goes to Chester and AJ. I’m 90% sure AJ wasn’t even black. The biggest waste of talent goes to Steven Weber, who hasn’t changed a bit. Mr. Weber, why did you bother with this? YOU’RE SO MUCH BETTER! Oh wait, I lied, the biggest waste of talent goes to Jason Alexander! You cast Costanza and only have him in it 5 minutes! THE NERVE!

Here’s the thing about this special: it had a good story. The entire thing looks and feels like it was written as a cartoon. Why didn’t they keep it as one? No one wanted to see the equivalent of a softcore porno. The most disappointing part of the special was it didn’t even have Trixie Tang. I would’ve thought Timmy would be more attracted to her…..not Tootie. At least reference her or something, since you know, she was the focus for a good number of episodes.

Instead of having that craptastic cast, what if they made this a big budget production? I assume the cast would go something like this:

Timmy Turner…………..Elijah Wood
Tootie……………………Ellen Page
Vickie……………………Amy Adams
Mr. Crocker…………….Jason Bateman
Cosmo…………………..Jerry Trainor
Wanda…………………..Anne Hathaway
Jorgen…………………..Ted Danson
Mrs. Turner……………..Julianne Moore
Mr. Turner………………Jerry Seinfeld
Chester………………….Alexander Skarsgård
AJ………………………..Terry Crews
Trixie Tang………………Megan Fox

Feel like I’m forgetting someone….oh well! Yeah, this movie was terrible. Never watch it. It’s bad. Tommy Wiseau bad. If you even see it on your TV listings, change the channel immediately.

2/10

Day 29: So I don’t have a subscription to Starz, but...

Sat, 09 Jul 2011 15:35:05 -0400

Day 29: So I don’t have a subscription to Starz, but luckily enough, the Audience Network came through last night. Sandwiched in between their advertisements of Damages, they decided to air the first episode of Torchwood: Miracle Day aka Season 4 aka Torchwood Americanized. I’ve only seen a select number of episodes of the first few seasons, but what I liked is they made it completely for casual viewers. Anyone can watch this and get right into it. Basically the whole plot is people stop dying, which begs the question, what would you do if you knew death was no longer a possibility? Personally, I’d have wings dipped in the hottest sauce known to man. Think about it. You wouldn’t need to spit them out or go for a drink of water. You could just sit and enjoy them without worrying about a heart attack or anything. But then, why would I need to eat if I couldn’t die? O_O MOVING ON, I just wanna say Mekhi Phifer was a f’n badass in the premiere. Escapes death, walks out of the hospital like a boss and goes to London….all in one day. You ain’t gonna see that shit on Law & Order!

Yesterday I also got to see Horrible Bosses, but not sure when I’ll review it. Maybe a post for tomorrow? Not clue when strength will be gathered for that. I’m actually a few days behind since I also saw Larry Crowne. AHHHHHH! TOO MANY MOVIES! Perhaps a double feature review. Either way I can sum them up in one word that rhymes with tit. Take a wild guess.

Day 28: It always sucks when a show you like comes to an end....

Thu, 07 Jul 2011 13:55:34 -0400

Day 28: It always sucks when a show you like comes to an end. Last night, I got a chance to watch the final episode of Luther. If you don’t know, it’s a show on BBC starring Idris Elba and might I add, quite good. Never has a show managed to become one of my favorites in such a short amount of time. I was a little pissed Ruth Wilson’s character Alice didn’t have that big of a presence this season. Even though it was billed as the last episode, there’s some talk it might get picked up for another run. Please, please, please give it six more episodes. We need to find out who the redheaded girl was at the end! Really BBC, give it more time!

Since we’re talking about TV, I don’t know what it is lately, but American TV is just boring me right now. I’m not some elitist prick, though I have dealt with a few over the years. There’s just nothing worth watching. True Blood has turned to shit since the end of season one. Honestly, HBO needs to pull the plug on it. Sitcoms are at an all time low, with the biggest focus being on Two and a Half Men. In my opinion, the best show currently running the US is The Big C. Everything else worth watching doesn’t come back till the Fall. Tisk. Tisk.

Day 27: So I’m guessing if you live in the United States,...

Tue, 05 Jul 2011 13:36:18 -0400

Day 27: So I’m guessing if you live in the United States, you had a gathering of some kind yesterday. As everyone knows, it was the 4th of July, which meant one thing—HOT DOGS! My family went over to my aunt/uncle’s house and had a delicious feast. Naturally, when you go to an Italian BBQ, there’s no such thing as the main course. The food keeps coming, until you eventually pass out. What I found weird is for the first time, I heard putting ketchup on hot dogs isn’t proper. Really now? I’ve been doing it since I can remember. All these years I’ve been doing it wrong? WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO MY LIFE!? Right, so since we left when it was dark, we got to see all the fireworks going off on the highway. Not only that, but our neighbors had some shenanigans too. Always nice to see kids blowing up shit in the middle of the street.

Unfortunately, even though yesterday was quite enjoyable, today was a bit meh. Woke up with the side of my face burning and a surprising feeling of being full. Hopeful the sensation will go away by week’s end. If not, I can always slab on a layer of lube to cool it off. Sure people might stare at me in public, but hey, it’s not like I’m outside that much. Yesterday was the first time I’d been out that long in months. I’m not very fond of it, mainly because I feel like a piece of grass afterwards. Also my clothes have some ketchup stains on them. This can only mean one thing….BRING OUT THE OXI-CLEAN!

Day 26: It was only a matter of time, but my closet door finally...

Fri, 01 Jul 2011 09:25:05 -0400

Day 26: It was only a matter of time, but my closet door finally broke. Just about two years into this house, it literally snapped in half, leaving debris all over my room. If you’re wondering what kind of door I’m talking about, it’s a sliding door. There’s probably some technical term it’s called, but forgive me, it’s very early. Googling something is a chore at this hour of the day. The positive thing about this is I can rearrange the inside now. Like most normal human beings, I’ve pretty much just been throwing everything in my closet without organizing it. For some reason I have 6 pairs of shoes in there. The sad part is they’re from when I was 12 and still fit me. Feet, Y U NO GROW!? Even more sad, the shirts lying on the floor still fit me too. This body mang…..it never changes. I can grow a mean beard though. Everyone likes beards; beards are cool! That aside, having the door break isn’t as bad as having the rack snap. Don’t even think about it rack, don’t even.

Anyways, if you’re confused about the picture above, don’t be. That was just me being excessively bored and putting a mustache. And my door isn’t brown either. Leaving it white is a hassle with crayons, so HEY, it’s brown instead! The sharp teeth and glowing red eyes are accurate though. Alright, I’m spending way too much time babbling here. I must go on a massive folding spree and organize my closet. If I don’t make it back….nevermind, I’ll be back. DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN (It’s the theme from Terminator -___-)

Day 25: I know what you’re thinking, “Oh God...

Wed, 29 Jun 2011 16:31:28 -0400

Day 25: I know what you’re thinking, “Oh God he’s about to do another review!” Sadly, yes. Starting, or re-starting rather, a blog this time of year has that little problem. Don’t worry though, as months go on, I’m sure things will even out. So yeah, anyway I saw Transformers: Dark of The Moon today. But there is one thing I must address before beginning. You see there was this woman in my theater that decided to go to the bathroom a grand total of 3 times during the previews. There’s nothing wrong with that and was probably attributed to a small bladder or something. HOWEVER, she also did it 5 more times during the actual movie. Now, I understand that when you gotta go, you gotta go, but come on now. If you need to go to the bathroom that much in nearly 3 hours, see a doctor. No really, just leave and don’t bother staying. Bring a bed pan for all I care! I mean, what was she doing in there? Was she discovering the fountain of youth!? Was she bootlegging the movie on her video phone and need to change memory cards!? WHO GOES TO THE BATHROOM THAT MUCH? So yeah, I saw the movie with an ass in my face every 20ish minutes.

Alright, now down to business—Transformers 3. Two years ago the second one came out, and I didn’t really like it. Way too long and drawn out with little purpose. This time around it’s a little bit of the same deal. I don’t really think there was even any demand for a third one, but for what it was worth, it was entertaining. There’s not a whole lot of build this time, but more just straight-forward battle between the Autobots and Decepticons (spell check corrected that as decorations). Unfortunately, a whole lot of filler and cameos drag the story down a bit. Don’t get me wrong though, John Malkovich was f’n awesome! When it came time for the final battle, I couldn’t help but feel like I saw this entire scenario played out before. Then it hit me—Doctor Who. Forgive me, I’m about to go into spoiler mode: The entire purpose of the movie is to build a portal so the homeplanet can be brought to Earth. In a two-part episode of Doctor Who, the exact same thing happened. A portal was created to bring the Time Lords back to Earth. Did the writers seriously rip this from that? Hmmph Hmmph.

Okay, spoiler mode off. The movie is watchable, but shouldn’t be deemed “mandatory”, if you get what I mean. In terms of box office intake, I don’t see this even making nearly as much as Revenge of the Fallen. When the first trailer was shown, everyone was confused about Megan Fox being replaced. The new girl, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, who also probably sets the record for longest name in this, did a decent job. I’m not really floored by her looks, but hey not everyone has the same taste. In short, this is pretty much how I felt about the three releases:

2007: FUCK YES TRANSFORMERS!
2009: OH I AM SO HYPED FOR THIS!
2011: There’s a new Transformers?

6/10

Day 24: Last Friday, I didn’t get a chance to see Bad...

Mon, 27 Jun 2011 12:57:20 -0400

Day 24: Last Friday, I didn’t get a chance to see Bad Teacher due to Comic Con’s ticket sale. Today though, I did and about half-way through realized I shouldn’t have. Comedies are a very tough genre because, lets face it, what’s funny to one person might not be for another. What we have here is a movie that suffers from being drained behind-the-scenes. Exactly what does this mean? Basically, there was more fun going on off camera then when they were rolling. When you piece it together, Bad Teacher has a lot of elements that don’t quite fit. Specifically, the biggest downfall here is the cast.

So, we’ve got Cameron Diaz as this ultra hot teacher who doesn’t give a shit. Yeah, it’s just not happening man. Maybe if we time traveled back to 1994, when Diaz still looked attractive. Here she just looks boney and awkward. Besides, Lucy Punch was a million times more pleasing to the eye. Granted, her character was a bit overplayed by the third act, she was the only one who gave the impression that she tried. Justin Timberlake’s role felt like it was done in-between takes of The Social Network. Honestly, why was he even in this? In the movie, his character is just there for the hell of it. Essentially it creates a whole story line that’s pointless. When it comes time for the final meeting between him and Diaz, you’ll shrug rather than applaud her. Plus, I still can’t take Timberlake as a legitimate comedian. I don’t care how many times you’ve hosted SNL, that doesn’t mean you’re funny. The best parts of this movie are the ones with Jason Segel. Overall though, his screen time feels like a blur and rushed so Diaz can get in a line to make her character ‘badass’. By the end of the movie, one thing’s for sure—you wont even remember the characters names.

What’s clearly obvious is that the writers tried way too hard. There’s so many instances where they want to be raunchy or over-the-top for no reason. When it all comes together, everything feels like a last second addition. It’s like this movie was tailored to make 12-year-old boys get excited. Was there really any justification to have a pair of boobs engulf the screen? Nope, absolutely not. And yes, there were pre-teen boys whispering when they appeared. In fact, there was a kid that was probably six years old in the theater. Parents, dah fuck!?

Cameron Diaz just needs to stop doing comedies. Last year she had Knight and Day, which was billed as such, but turned out to be a mediocre action movie with comic relief. This movie had two or three good parts that made you wait through so much drivel until they happened. My advice: Don’t see it. The biggest question I have is who releases a movie about school in the summer?

Day 23: Yesterday was a very hectic day. If you’ve been...

Sat, 25 Jun 2011 11:36:00 -0400

Day 23: Yesterday was a very hectic day. If you’ve been keep track of movies, Bad Teacher was released. I kinda found myself backing away from seeing it after the previews but hey, nothing else was out. So anyway, to kill some time, my brother and I went to see it. Right before the previews are about to begin, I’m talking the very SECOND, my phone starts buzzing. I reached down, looked at it and gasped. Can you guess what it said? Yup, Comic Con Tickets go on sale in an hour. Instead of staying for the movie, we left, rushed home and onto the computer. When it came time to get to the page, I was clicking so much, I think my mouse broke. No really, the laser stopped working. Long story short, I didn’t get any tickets, even though I was #1500 in line. Made it all the way to #467, but that was about it. What really pisses me off are idiots who bought them for the hell of it. People are already throwing them up on eBay, asking for a shitload of money. Who in their right mind is gonna pay 1,000 dollars for one 4-day pass? Shame on you scalpers! Then you have to meet them at the convention center? Nah man, I’m gonna see enough roaming neckbeards that day…..myself included.

On another note, two nights ago I was sitting down to watch FX’s new show Wilfred. Wasn’t something I was planning on watching, but more or a last second deal. So it started up and it was actually pretty good. Right at the 15 minute mark, BAM! My TV went dead. Was it because the TV fell off its perch? Nah, it was because a storm literally came and decided to hang over my house. Lasted just enough to miss the entire second half. Weather, I hate you. A lot.

Day 22: Last night I realized one thing— I’m in...

Thu, 23 Jun 2011 12:17:59 -0400

Day 22: Last night I realized one thing— I’m in desperate need of a new bed. After 20+ years with this one, it’s clearly telling me it’s time. Not only has it started to feel like a block of wood, but now it sounds like one too. Every little motion on it makes the biggest creaks I’ve ever heard. Just getting up in the morning sounds like a rumbling of trees falling in the forest. Besides that, my pillows have gone from magically fluffy to old and decrepit. They’re also a little bit yellow for some reason, which I’m guessing is either from exposure to sunlight over the years or my handsome face. Yeah, it’s probably the first one. In a quick Google search, the biggest solution I found was to flip my mattress. Problem is that’s entirely impossible in my room, unless I wanna take out a couple of windows and/or go flying down my staircase. But if I do get a new one, throwing away the old one seems kinda mean. Hmmmm. Maybe I can keep it in the corner or maneuver it into a makeshift fort. HA HA! Fort Mattress! Sleep at your own discretion!

Day 21: Went to the bank yesterday and before you roll your...

Tue, 21 Jun 2011 10:50:37 -0400

Day 21: Went to the bank yesterday and before you roll your eyes, yes this is a rare occurrence for me. On average, I go about once a year. And I’m really not a bank person; they creep me out. It’s always so silent and awkward whenever you walk in. People seem on edge for no apparent reason and act like every little thing is an inconvenience. Actually went to a new bank, because the old one was weak and pathetic, MUAHAHAAH! But seriously, Wachovia changed to Wells Fargo and took the bank with them in the process. I know on bank’s priorities list, security cams rank very high, but this was just ridiculous. I counted roughly six cameras, all within about three feet of each other. Hey, it’s fine you don’t want someone to rob it, but why do I feel like I’m in an interrogation room? “GIVE ME YOUR ACCOUNT NUMBER! SAY IT! SAY ITTTTTT!”

In other observations, saw a middle-aged woman trying to be hip. How so? She decided to pop her collar. I don’t think anyone wants to tell her that look died out in 2006. Those cruel cruel bunch of people. It’s like the last season of American Idol, sad to watch. I don’t care how much money you have, don’t try to act like a teenager when you haven’t been one since CHiPs ended. No matter how old I get though, my favorite part of the bank will always be the suction tubes behind the counter. So simple, yet so fascinating. Aye I said don’t roll your eyes!

Day 20: As my follower count declines each day, it’s time...

Sat, 18 Jun 2011 12:05:47 -0400

Day 20: As my follower count declines each day, it’s time for another post! Pretty sure I’ve lost about 300 followers since re-booting this blog. It doesn’t bother me, just a bit strange, but hey so is Tumblr. Anyway, got to see an action-packed, heart pounding superhero movie today. Oh and I also saw Green Lantern. Now this is probably gonna turn into a rant more than a review, so forgive me if I ramble. But yeah, last year comic book nerds were jumping for joy when they saw the first picture of Ryan Reynolds in costume. This year, the reaction is severely different and somewhat mixed.

First off, I’ve never read any of the Green Lantern comics…okay I tried to get into Blackest Night but it just wasn’t happening. Really though, I don’t think viewers of this movie should need that background knowledge. It’s a summer blockbuster and if you want everyone to get a certain degree of enjoyment out of it, then stick to the basics. The story isn’t that hard to follow, but it just feels so rushed, like the only thing cared about is a brief scene between Hal Jordan (Ryan Reynolds) and Carol Ferris (Blake Lively). I like both of them, but the problem is they don’t mesh together. You’re telling me they’re in a romantic relationship? I don’t believe you. Stop lying!

Apparently short term memory lose is running rapid on Earth, because one second Reynold’s character is being introduced at a party and the next he’s a mysterious man in a mask. Can you not tell it’s the same man, who has all the same characteristics of Hal Jordan!? One role that just doesn’t click is Hector played by Peter Sarsgaard. This guy can act, with An Education being the proof of that, but wow, this wasn’t working. When they first showed him, it looked more like a morbidly obese guy instead of a menacing villain. There was one character that I really enjoyed, Sinestro (Mark Strong). It’s a shame there were old a handful of scenes involving him, but not even he could save this movie.

The biggest issue, even from the trailer, was clearly the CGI/VFX/whatever you wanna call them. There was an article that said there were last minute touch-ups, but it all just looked so cheesy and beyond repair. But here’s the thing: If this was a straight-to-DVD release, then it would’ve been acceptable. Since this is billed as a major motion picture, it comes off as disappointing. You don’t pump millions of dollars into a production and release that as your final product. But, this is one of those things that’s easier said than done, and I can respect that. The team tried to make everything look presentable, but it was too late.

Don’t even think about seeing this. I sat there, trying to enjoy it, but it’s just so bland. Some guy screamed, “Finally!” when the credits started rolling. There’s maybe two scenes worth watching: Sinestro fighting Hal and Hector beating up one of his students. What’s weird is comic fans are split on it already. Last time there was a movie that evoked that kind of emotion, it was The Last Airbender. Some people are calling it the new Star Wars, which I’m really not seeing at all. In all honestly, this just feels like Ang Lee’s Hulk all over again. So much promise, no delivery.

4/10

Day 19: Alright, for some strange reason I found myself watching...

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 12:45:03 -0400

Day 19: Alright, for some strange reason I found myself watching ABC Family last night. In the past five years, I think I’ve watched this channel maybe two or three times. So anyway I sat and watched this show called The Nine Lives of Chloe King. I like to give every show a fair chance before judging it, even The Glades. Sadly that show died 20 minutes into the pilot. I mean really, it tried way too hard in every aspect. But, back to Chloe King. This was just flat-out bad. Not bad as in being so bad it’s good, just truly bad. Even more shocking, it’s a book. No disrespect to the author, but why would you authorize this!? I imagine the pitch for this show was just some guy throwing the book down saying, “Make it!” That or a drunken bet at a night club.

The one redeeming aspect of the whole 45 minutes was Ke$ha’s Animal during the ending montage. Yeah yeah, don’t pretend like you don’t secretly like her music. Knowing ABC Family, they probably already gave the go-ahead for season two. But hey, just because I didn’t like it doesn’t mean you might not. I’m not exactly a teenage girl or a cat for that matter. If you are, then this show is for you! I think it would be pretty badass to be a cat though. Being able to fall knowing you’d land on your feet would come in handy. Claws would be a plus, instead of breaking your teeth to open a Slim Jim. I’m talking real claws, not ones made from placing Bugles on your fingertips, not that I tried that or anything last night. And who wouldn’t love using a litter box? Yeah, that’s what I thought!

Day 18: Went to a pro wrestling show last night, only this time...

Mon, 13 Jun 2011 11:49:06 -0400

Day 18: Went to a pro wrestling show last night, only this time it wasn’t part of the independent scene. This was a WWE house show. I’ve been to a lot of shows over the years, especially in the arena last night. It’s more of a gym, but the best part is every seat feels like the front row. Always amazes me how the crowds change through the years. When I first started seeing WWE live, the average age of people in the audience was 18-25. Now it’s gone down to about 5-12, excluding their parents. I see nothing wrong with it; in fact I think it’s great. Meanwhile the teenagers are gravitating towards UFC these days. IT’S GOTTA BE REAL MAN! ADVERTISEMENTS EVERY 10 SECONDS! Yeah, I don’t like UFC. Deal with it. I’ve been told many times over the years to stop watch wrestling. The list of reasons range from: It’s fake, staged, for kids, not popular, etc. Guess what, I’m still watching it. Sue me.

Anyway, I always love to hear fans talk about things that never happened or make zero sense. For some reason, this kid behind me was convinced Santino Marella is Sin Cara. Even though, they have different builds, skin color and Santino is covered in tattoos. Some guy on line was confusing Alex Riley and Zack Ryder, which I still don’t understand how someone can do. When I was walking in, this little girl was talking about Miz facing Alberto Del Rio. I honestly don’t know where people get these ideas, but the weird part is they really believe they’re true.

The show was alright, not the best. My favorite match was the main event: CM Punk vs. R-Truth vs. John Cena. They even broke out the powder, which is rare to see in any wrestling match today. And actually one of the more entertaining parts of the night was a dance off with the fans. Some big ole guy named Garrett got booed out of the building. A few people brought signs. This group of kids had a huge banner that when stretched out read, “EWWW!!” It was a great experience, but I was deeply upset over one thing: Seeing Percy Watson wrestle.